Tuesday, 31 October 2006

The Panda Thing

The only amusing thing I ever wrote, and it's not really even very amusing. It's like like the greatest hit of a one hit wonder that never really had that much of a hit in the first place. Top twenty at best. It's like Scooby Snacks by the Fun Lovin' Criminals but only slightly less annoying. It's the Pandas=Bastards thing:

Pandas are rubbish, it's a fact that only I and certain other mentally ill types seem to have noticed. Why do pandas piss me off? Because they are a bunch of useless, obdurate, selfish, lazy, fussy, fraudulent bastards who more than deserve to be up the evolutionary creek they are up right now. They are a prime example of the pointlessness of animal that aren't good to eat.

So what if they're dying out because their habitat is being destroyed and they've no bamboo to eat? They really aren't in a position to be all discriminating about their diet.

Goats will eat anything, there are loads of goats, goats are good to eat, goats are cool.

Anyways, when some do-gooder does get two of the fat idiots in the same room ( at great expense ) no amount of mood lighting, Barry White music and oysters will ever get them to mate. Why? Because even pandas hate pandas.

You won't ever have this problem with pigs because pigs are good to eat, pigs are cool.

Ever see a panda? All the useless twats do is sit around looking sorry for themselves. Monkeys, on the other hand are very entertaining. Clint Eastwood even made a movie with one.

Monkeys probably aren't good to eat but they're still very cool.

Pandas aren't even real bears-FACT

Panda cola is shite, Penguin bars are tasty.

I rest my case.