Monday, 8 December 2008

Scattergum is Pleased to Announce

A new semi-regular feature from our guest commentator Terrance Littleknob.

Irascible, Irreverent, Irightfuckingcunt

For over twenty years this columnist has made a living mentioning that back in 2001 I published a novel called "This Country's Going to the Dawgs!" about how The-Liberal-PC-Fire Brigade left has been deliberately eroding the freedoms and Yuman rights our grandfathers fought to uphold in two World Wars and one World Cup by insisting those rights apply to everybody and not just white males aged 30 to 65 that don't like blacks or gays, or worse still, black gays serving in Her Majesty's armed forces.

Like all white males I'm the victim of a campaign of oppression perpetrated by a ruling cabal of Bi-sexual-Feminazi-Town Hall Talebans that would to see me banged up in the gulag up for thought crimes relating to weekly rubbish collections, wanting to persecute gypsies and insisting they build more prisons that aren't like a trip to Butlins to cage all scum that commit any crime.

"'ere Terrance!" I hear you shout "Wouldn't that mean that you'd be banged up by the ZaNu-Lie-bore Stasi for tirelessly pointing out the slow death of Great British democracy? Isn't it a little hypocritical to want all lawbreakers banged up?"

No, I say; our granfathers fought the Nazis at Agincourt in two World Wars and one World Cup to uphold the Great British traditions of persecuting gypsies and locking people up that disagree with you!

Because no one has read my novel that I published in 2001 called "This Country's Going to the Dawgs!” I can tenuously link it to current events to prove that I was right back in 2001 when I published my novel "This Country's going to the Dawgs!"

When I praised what Mrs Thatcher had done for local communities by breaking up the Anarcho-Gay-Communist Union influenced coal and steel industries in my novel “This Country’s Going to the Dawgs!” that I published in 2001, I didn’t contradict myself at all later on when I called the people still living in those communities “Subhuman drug and Special Brew addled sponging chav scum; too busy spawning generation after generation of moronic spaz kids they can use to claim more dole and occasionally fake kidnap for reward money than get off their fat, greasy arses and look for non-existent work!”

I was too busy crowing in my Daily Mail column about the revelations of Max Moseley’s sex life to be a hypocrite. The press, and especially, The Daily Mail should be free trample all over an individual like Max Moseley's private life because he was having kinky Nazi sex games and his grandfather was a noted British Fascist; the leader of the knuckle dragging Blackshirts no less. Which makes Max Moseley’s filthy Nazi themed sex games all the more disgusting and important for the public to know about! There are children that watch Formula One!


Even though Gordon and Polly Toynbee's (Polly Toynbee only hates this humble correspondent because her obvious sexual attraction to him is at odds with the lesbian beliefs she decided to adopt while she was learning facts at some Godforsaken-liberal subversive university - I don't fancy her though, even though I mention her all the time) censorship addicted-Stalinesque-Scottish Mafia-freedom hating-nanny state wants to keep ordinary, decent people like you from knowing and masturbating about what Max Moseley was up to.

There are children that like Formula One, so if you don't agree with a private individual's sex life being strewn around for public titillation, you're a child hating paedophile and worse than Karen Matthews.


And if any namby-pamby, Guardianista do-gooders try and tell you that the Daily Mail once published an article titled “Hurrah for the Blackshirts” they are lying. Probably as some conspiracy to stop ordinary decent white people from smoking in operating theatres. All because these weak willed woolly-liberal sheep are desperate to appease Elf and Safety-Gay-Midget-Islamo-Fascist terrorists on benefits that have fallen for the great climate change swindle! It beggars belief!

A Graph Plotted From Made up Data, Designed To Dupe Credulous Idiots.

I have a few thousand copies of the novel I published in 2001 called “this Country’s Going to the Dawgs!” left that were saved from being pulped by Eco-Terroristsand and "recycled" into mansions for Asylum seeker-Mad Mullah Muslim clerics -most likely at the taxpayer's expense courtesy of Moron Clown and Alistair Dar-lying – chuck us eighty quid and one's yours. It’s better than whatever lowest common denominator rubbish Clarkson is chucking at the council estate proles this Christmas (if they don’t ban Christmas)..

If I hadn't just now, you couldn't make it up!

Terrance Littleknob is a journalist, author and broadcaster. For most of the year he lives in Florida because Florida is the best place to accurately drool out a twice weekly cretin-cast for little Englander twats based on his his long-distance, made up opinions on the state of Modern Britain. He has nothing to do with the real-life journalist, author and broadcaster Richard Littlejohn; except they are both gleefully obdurate pus-brained spam javelins.