For Anonymous.

Some cheeky cunt from Amazon marketplace has just asked me not to print out their confirmation email "UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY" because I should think of my carbon footprint.
Patronising cocksockets. Do they think I'm some doddering elderly fuckwit that needs a paper copy of everything?
I'll bet they also reckon I keep my life savings under the bed so the "gas man" can rob the lot; think bananas are exotic because we didn't have them during the blitz and I spend my days nursing a single pint of light and bitter in the pub while I wait for the piss I accidentally did all over myself on the way there to dry into a shameful stain on my trouser front; a sorry indictment of my urine soaked obsolescence.
Only to piss all over myself accidentally on the way home again.

I'm going to email them back with that actually and tell them they can print it out as many times as they fucking like.

This three quid wine I bought from the corner shop is rank, what a fucking surprise.

Oh yeah, and happy 9th November to any cunts reading this from 'merca.

Last of The Summer Wine: Deleted Scene

Sex and the City Movie Sequel: Exclusive Leaked Script Extract

Ext. Near the Brooklyn Bridge.

I swear Nick, It Wasn't Me That Laughed At Your Bald spot.

35 quid to see Nick Cave in November, if I'm reliably informed.

35 quid?! Doesn't he know all the credit has been crunched and no fucker has any money?*
He's only going to spend it all on more (admittedly sharp) pinstripe suits and Just For Men hair and mustache dye (colour: Midnight Goth Black) anyways.

Nick Cave once kicked the shit out of a journalist for pointing out his bald spot.
Overreaction?
Not when it comes to journalists.

*Except me. I have plenty of money, I'm just not going because I've already seen him live this year (pretty fucking great since you didn't bother to ask, cunt). I'm thinking about the rest of you plebs and dole scum for once.

Sex and the City Movie Sequel: Exclusive Leaked Script Extract

INT. AN EXCLUSIVE MANHATTAN BAR

Liar.

Folks will tell you that lying is wrong and no good will come of it, but I once told a drunk guy that wanted to punch my face off that I was an off duty cop and he left me alone.

This proves almost scientifically that lying can be an amazing force for good because:

A. I didn't get my face punched off, it's right where it should be; on the front of my head, so I'm still totally handsome and attractive to all the ladies.

B. It highlighted that fact that some members of the angry, violent drunk community still have some respect for members of the law enforcement community.

What's the best lie you've ever told?

The most amusing one wins a prize of my choosing. It will be awesome!

What I will be doing for the foreseeable future.

So feel free to expect even fewer updates here if you want, I don't really give a fuck.


Damn, that's a nice rug I've got.